If you had a time machine and the goal of messing with skateboard history by taking credit for a trick, what would you do?
This topic was inspired by a question from Tim on Patreon, and there’s a second part we’ll get to later where this gets a little crazier.
So how do we mess with skateboard history with a little time travel? For me, it’s going to have to be in the early 80s, when tricks that I can actually do would be really impressive.
We could steal the ollie or the kickflip, but I think it would be much more interesting to get something a bit harder that would imply that I could Ollie and kickflip already, and that I might have invented them a long time ago. This adds a bit more mystery and excitement to my scam. So I’m going with a 360 flip. All 4 stances. I’ve only done them switch a couple times, so I’ll need some practice, but I can get it done.
But how do I get people to believe it?
Here’s the big problem with time travel video – movies exist. You’ve seen a movie that took place a couple decades or even a hundred years ago. Get some period-correct clothing, park a period-correct car in the background, and you’re good to go.
Anyone could make a passable time travel clip with a thousand dollars and an ebay account. Buy vintage clothes, an old skateboard, and an old video camera with a VHS tape, and do the trick in front of an old building.
So you’re going to have to prove that you were really there. Here’s what I might do.
On your way back in time, grab a newspaper from the day after the day you finally go to. Find a news article with a picture in it, and use the information from the article to get yourself in that picture, wearing the same clothes and holding a skateboard. Bring the newspaper back with you, and you’ve got proof!
The only problem is that nobody will believe it. It’s too easy to scan a newspaper and add yourself into a picture with Photoshop. Yes, the original version will probably be in the local library, but nobody is actually going to go look at the microfilm. They’ll just dismiss the video as fake.
Here’s the workaround – get yourself in a video that already exists.
My choice is Skateboarding in the Eighties, the Powell Peralta video that came out in 1982. See my video about Rodney Mullen’s part in it here. But with a little work and effort, it would be possible to figure out where and when this was filmed, and crash one of the recordings. If your tricks are good enough, there’s no reason they wouldn’t use it as a clip in the intro or credits, even if you aren’t a team rider.
So this is what I would do. And I would give my name for it too, just not my real one. We’ll come back to that in a second.
But for now, let’s get into the second part of the scenario – what if, by magic, you can do any trick, and you aren’t limited to your current skill level?
Now what? Do you go back to the 60s and do a nollie late flip crooked grind while JFK gets shot in the background?
I mean, that would be awesome. But if people think the moon landing is fake, they’ll think my ridiculous clip is fake too. So we have to rein it in a little bit.
Mike McGill invented the mctwist back in 1984… Or did he?
If I have my way, in that same Skateboarding in the Eighties video, I do a varial McTwist. Two years earlier than him, and implying that I’ve gotten good at regular ones already. Stealing the credit for a legendary moment in skateboard history.
So, let’s say I do all of this. What’s the fallout?
Immediately, our skateboard heroes like Hawk, Mullen and Gonz become less important. Yes, they were the ones getting coverage, but there was at least one unknown shredder out there who could do stuff they couldn’t. Who else was out there? It would be way harder for anyone to take credit for any new trick, knowing that. Which, overall, would be a bad thing. But that wasn’t the point of this exercise. It’s about bringing myself fame and glory.
Except, there’s one more problem. I’m 36, and this was over 40 years ago. How does this help me? I have a plan for that.
But first I want to remind you that you can submit questions like this on radratvideo.com. There are shirts for sale dirt cheap here, and there’s a form where anyone can submit questions. Or, send one through Patreon and get a guaranteed response like Tim did.
So what do I do about the age gap? I give my name as ‘Rad Rat’ to the camera guy, and hopefully it ends up in the credits or on screen during my tricks. Now, my YouTube channel is an homage to this anonymous skateboarding god, and I just so happen to look just like him. That’s probably worth a subscribe.